free to be ..... me

  .... do I have to be? And you know what really sucks? Writing that sentence down. It's one thing for me to have these feelings - it's another thing to actually write it - it becomes more real for me. And so the vicious cycle of overthinking starts ... .... and being stuck in my head is one of the most frustrating feelings ever. It's moments like these that I wish it was possible to turn my brain off. Seriously brain, why are you on these non-stop loops? Why is it so hard to just slow down and be in a moment? Why does this maze of words and thoughts feel like it truly never ends? Ever since I had Jamie, I knew I was a chronic over-thinker. I remember these conversations with my social worker at the time where I literally couldn't get my brain to slow down no matter what I tried. That's part of the reason I started running - I wanted my legs and body to keep up with my brain. I also at times would find myself pulling my eyebrow hairs out on my way to therapy so I co

  My second Reiki session was a completely different experience from my first one. I still don't feel ready to write about my first session - let's just say when I got home, I was a zombie. I slept for 3 hours I was so completely exhausted. After my second appointment, I felt alive, at peace, and so much lighter. When I got to my appointment, Olivia asked me how I felt after the previous session. I told her about sleeping for 3 hours. I also mentioned that I felt "taller". She said that is amazing - that she always wants me to feel tall and above everything. I also mentioned how powerful it was to be able to sit in my meeting with Clarissa and just allow myself to feel my feelings without any reactions. That had never happened for me before and there was so much clarity and calmness in my feelings. I mentioned to her that I also saw Clarissa recently at our local event and there wasn't a physical reaction in seeing her - there was just this overwhelming sadness. I