What I Hate About Co-Parenting

 

The title of this is extremely loaded .... I could probably list about 1000 things I hate about co-parenting from missing out on time with my kids, to living far from their school and not being able to have their friends over frequently, to split Christmas' and holidays and on and on and on and on.

But one of the hardest things for me to see is the bags .... the constant living out of bags. I hate that my kids are never really "home" and that what little they do have for clothing and supplies has to go from place to place on a regular basis. I hate that no matter how hard I have tried to make my home, their home they are perpetually living out of bags.

This is probably more of a big deal to me than it is to them .... maybe this constant change in their lives will allow them to be more adaptable in the future? Maybe they will always remember supplies? Maybe they will be less attached to things and more attached to moments? Maybe they will .... be ok?

I know in my heart they will be ok - but how come every time I see these packed bags at the top of the stairs my heart breaks a little bit? How come every time I see these bags the guilt takes over? How come every time I see these bags I feel like I've failed my kids?

I seriously thought that as time went on it would feel easier. So how come it just feels harder? I find myself more protective of my time with them .... more aware of how little time we have together and of that time, I only get them half of it. I don't know the answers; all I know is that the constant shuffle of bags makes me feel like I've failed my kids.

I wonder how many other single parents (or even parents for that matter) wonder on a daily basis how much they've fucked up their kids. I just hope that my commitment to my health and my happiness show my babies to always strive for their own health and happiness.