free to be ..... me

 ... can be really, really nasty sometimes. A good friend of mine told me a while ago that she calls it "the itty bitty bitchy committee" and I've used that wording ever since. Once in a while I need to call them gremlins though, because we all know the movie and how when we shine a light on our gremlins, they turn in to these fluffy little balls of cuteness that really aren't so scary. 😉 Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that the nasty voices in my head are cute little fluff balls. That would be absolutely ridiculous. What I am saying though is that when we shine the light on them, they aren't as scary as we think they are! As some of you know, I recently got myself a new car - well new to me! This was a HUGE step for me as I have not had a car payment since 2004, I JUST moved, and well, let's just be completely honest here, I am a single Mama. Moving further away from work was a necessary step for my family as we are now closer to my ex, close...

  .... is exhausting and yet at the same time, so incredibly worth it. It's been such an interesting few months for me. I know I've come a long way on this journey of healing and at the same time,  I know I still have a long way to go. I was driving the other day thinking about my most recent counselling session and I remembered why I stopped going to counselling in the past. When I was going before, it always felt like I was just re-hashing old trauma. I didn't leave my sessions with something to focus on until our next time and I ALWAYS felt so crappy after my sessions. I have learned over the years that our bodies don't actually know we aren't re-living the experience and the exact same chemicals that were released during our traumas are re-released when we re-live them. Think about this. Let's say you were driving down the highway and this car came racing up behind you. Traffic was heavy and you could see this car weaving in and out. Your hands tense on the ...